De-Stress Zone

Stress

Stress is finding out on July 31st., that the August 1st. newsletter that you worked on so hard, and saved, cannot be opened by windows and is forever lost to you and needs to be re-done.

Hold Your Head Up High!

"Never bend your head, always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face.~Helen Keller

Don't bow your head as if in shame, but don't hold your head up so high that you are looking down your nose at people either. Look squarely ahead with the attitude that you are just as valuable a person as anyone else, because you are.

Calista Causey

What Lies Within?

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters
compared to what lies within us." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Conflict or Peace?

He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home.
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Conflict is an opportunity to learn and in turn for growth. The stressors we face can rule us or we can learn to rule them. It isn't the conflict that is bad it is the way that we deal with it that can be stressful and destructive. If we can change our thinking, and by that route change how we react and respond to conflict and stress, we are on our way to internal peace.

Change

It is said that change can be one of the most stressful things we face.

5 Steps to Make Stress Your Best Friend

Author Name:Laura Bankston
Email: Laura@homeschoolcookbook.com

Category: Self Help/ Motivation/ Inspirational/ Family
Copyright Date: 2004

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5 Steps to Make Stress Your Best Friend

You probably think I'm wacko, but it's true - stress can be your
best friend! Stress is actually a positive experience to be
channeled to improve your life.

For instance, let me tell you about a small moment of stress I faced
a few minutes ago.

Just before I boarded my flight from Phoenix to Seattle, I was
talking to my husband Wade on my cell phone. Toward the end of our
conversation, he told me how someone had commented on how the kids
are dressed better when I'm around.

Now, I already know some of the things he's taken the kids to church
in.....YIKES!

But, then he proceeds to tell me how Maegan had syrup in her hair,
and it was all tangled, and he couldn't brush it out; so he took her
over to the baby sitter that way anyway (uh-oh).

When he picked her up, they said they were going to do swimming the
next day, so he took her back the next day the same way so the
swimming could wash it out!!!

I about DIED!

No wonder they commented!!!!!

Now, to me, that is definitely a moment of stress!

But did you know that I gave me an opportunity to make my life and
Maegan's life better?

Here, let me walk you through it.

How did I feel when I hear this story? I felt a little angry,
embarrassed, frustrated, incredulous, shocked...

But did you know that it is a good thing that I felt that way? It
is a good thing because it meant that it was going to cause some
action.

Now, I could do a harmful type reaction and have an argument with
husband, never go on a trip again, etc

or....I can use that emotion to think of a solution so that it
doesn't happen again.

Which is precisely what I did.

First, I explained to my husband how to brush a girls long hair. It
never occurred to me that I was the only one brushing her hair - and
being a girl with long hair, it never occurred to me that someone
would start brushing it from top on down! No wonder he could never
get the tangles out. So, now he knows to start at the bottom and
work his way up.

Secondly, I explained to him that when syrup is in the hair, you
HAVE TO WASH IT! I don't know if he was waiting for it to
deteriorate :-), or if he thought it would rub off on her pillow :-)
or what......it's probably best I DON'T know what he thought! But
anyway....

Thirdly, I explained how I washed her hair. Actually, as I right
this, it is soooo hard NOT to laugh. I mean, for the moment our
first two boys were born, Wade's done everything in taking care of
them. And I guess he did for Maegan too, until her hair started
getting long. Who would have known that a little hair could scare
such a big, strong guy so much?

But, in a way, I do understand. Her head is sensitive from her
cranial surgery, and he is particularly sensitive to his daughter.
If she says "oww", he can't tell if it's real or not. I guess
that's a mom thing.

Anyway - after I went through all of that, I told him when he needed
to brush her hair and how often he had to wash it.

I just created a system so that the next time I'm on a trip, she
will look great, he won't feel lost, and I won't be embarrassed.

If you look at ANY situation in life, you can go through the same
process. You can face a stimulus, negatively re-act, or creatively
solve.

What is in your life right now, this very second, that you are
stressed about? Are you just ignoring it, hoping that it will go
away? Are you trying to cover it up with eating, or are you
suffering physically by lack of sleep from worry and insomnia?

Here's five steps to put your subconscious out of commission and use
your conscious mind to use the stress to improve your life:

1. Write down what is stressing you
2. Write down how it makes you feel
3. Write down what is good about it and what is bad about it
4. Write down what you would do differently knowing what you know
now
5. Write a plan of what you can do or put in place so that it won't
happen again or so that you'll have a positive outcome next time

Stress can be your friend. Without it, you'll never be motivated to
make a change for the better. And, it will NEVER go away. Life
will never reach the point where everything goes great all the time.

And don't forget to teach this to your kids! They can have such an
advantage in life to learn now how to positively channel negative
experience into an opportunity for growth.

You can do the written exercise with them - or hey, you can even do
it while cooking!

Show them:
*how chaos is turned to order

*that hurrying or making yourself slow down makes something great

*how beating and stirring and molding makes it into something better

*how a recipe "flog" is now an analyzing opportunity to make it
better the next time

You'll be teaching them really valuable important life skills and
they'll be having the time of their life doing it!

Sincerely,

Laura Bankston

Laura Bankston is author of Internationally selling Cooking with
Kids Curriculum: "Homeschool Cooking in a Box" and the "Homeschool
Cookbook". She currently home schools her three children, maintains
home school support websites, and manages their family-owned service
business. For information on her curriculum visit
http://www.homeschoolcookbook.com . For free homeschool resources,
visit http://www.homeschoolinglibrary.com .

Perfectionism

I was raised to believe that any job worth doing is worth doing well. If I was a perfectionist I might say rather, any job worth doing is worth doing right. I hope you can see the huge difference in these two statements.
I still firmly believe in doing any job, chore or task to the best of my ability. I also believe however that as good a job as I do there might be a way to do it even better, faster or more efficiently. That's ok with me, there's always room for improvement. Life is a learning experience.
The perfectionist however might be heard to say, "if you want something done right , you have to do it yourself". In it's truest sense perfectionism is a compulsive obsession with standards that are unrealistically high and beyond reach or reason. Perfectionists set idealistic and critical standards for themselves and the people they work with. Because they set excessively high standards for others they are inevitably disappointed. They may react with annoyance and resentment and become more demanding when (not if) others don't meet their expectations. Perfectionists are more vulnerable to emotional turmoil and a drop in productivity because of three characteristics common to perfectionists: all-or-nothing thinking, the tendency to overgeneralize, and the tendency for critical self-evaluation and improvement. While most of us realize the fact that there is always room for improvement, the perfectionist is "driven", and there is no such thing as moderation.
Perfectionism like anything else is learned, and can be unlearned.

The first problem for all of us,
men and women, is not to learn,
but to unlearn. (Gloria Steiner)

When you eliminate the idea of trying to be a perfectionist, you lose your fear of being criticized. How liberating is that? Perfectionists don't enjoy the real world because they are so critical of it. Perfectionism is the death of spontaneity, creativity, and good fun.
The GOOD news is that all learned behaviors can be unlearned. The key involves, being aware, acceptance (we cannot change anything unless we accept it), and the will or commitment to change your style.

by Calista Causey
Some notes taken from, "The Stress Management Sourcebook" by J. Barton Cunningham, Ph.D.

Item of Interest

Below is an item I thought some might find interesting and/or useful. Enjoy.

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Stress Prone Me

One of the reasons I started this blog titled, De-Stress Zone, is that I have a stress-prone personality. I am currently enrolled in a certificate program for stress management counseling and therapy. I enrolled in the program first to learn for myself techniques and practices to apply to my own life, and secondly to enhance my nursing career. As I study and learn I will continue to write articles which I hope will be helpful to you as well. It is my hope you are finding some useful information in the articles I have already posted and will continue to write. Your comments are welcome.

Self-Talk

It is thought that many emotions are triggered by interpretations, not actual events. Many feelings have little to do with actual events, rather, they are a result of our rational or irrational self-talk. A persons thoughts are what create anger, anxiety, and hostility.When you are feeling angry, upset, hostile, ask yourself, "What is my self-talk?" It is this self-talk, and not the actual event that is producing the emotions. Some things you might ask yourself are as follows.
Is there any rational support for the thought?
What evidence exists for the correctness or incorrectness of the thought?
What is the worst thing that might happen to me? Is this so bad?
What good things might possibly occur if the worst case actually happens?
Identify that self-talk that you might see as the most realistic.

Fighting angry or hostile emotions involves a commitment to following steps like those above whenever such emotions arise.

Taken in part from, "The Stress Management Sourcebook", by J. Barton Cunningham, PH.D.